If I (Shane) could hop in a time machine and travel back 20 years to talk to the younger version of myself who was just starting out in ministry, I’d sit myself down and say, “You don’t know what’s coming, but Jesus is going to be enough for all of it.”
Ministry is a beautiful calling, but it’s not for the faint of heart. Along the way, Kasi and I faced a whirlwind of joy, heartbreak, spiritual growth, and personal struggle. Now, with years behind us and lessons learned the hard way, we want to share six truths we wish we had known earlier. These six truths would’ve spared us unnecessary burden and helped us lead with more peace, purpose, and faith.
- Intimacy with Jesus Is the Priority
Before any of us were ever ministry leaders, before our names went on a website or business card, our first and greatest identity was simply “disciple of Jesus Christ.”
We can have all the ministry momentum in the world, but if we’re not sitting daily at the feet of Jesus, it will catch up with us. Ministry leaders are at our best when we’re serving, leading, teaching, and discipling out of the overflow of our own worship of King Jesus, not the flow that’s over.
I think of Psalm 23:5: “You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.” The keyword? Overflows. You can’t pour into others if your own cup is dry. It’s easy to coast on our gifts and talents, but like my grandfather said, “If you’re coasting, you’re going downhill.”
The hardest seasons of life have taught me this truth in ways we never wanted to learn. When our son Titus was in hospice, we spent 10 days sitting in his room, knowing what was coming. Nothing, and I mean nothing, can hold you up in that moment except Jesus. If your life is built on ministry, success, or status, it will all crumble. But if it’s built on Jesus, you have an anchor when your world shakes.
So, do what the flight attendants always suggest on flights: Put your own spiritual oxygen mask on first. Before serving another student or answering another email, seek Him.
- Worry Is a Waste
I (Kasi) spent so much time worrying during the early days of our son Titus’ adoption. He had significant special needs, and my mind ran wild with worst-case scenarios: What if he needs a wheelchair? What about school? How will it affect our other kids?
You know what happened? Most of the things I worried about did happen. But we got through them. And worse things happened too, things I wasn’t even worrying about. All that anxiety? It robbed me of being present in those moments with my son.
Worry doesn’t change outcomes. It just steals today’s joy.
Jesus said, “Can any of you add one moment to his lifespan by worrying?” (Matthew 6:27). He didn’t ask that rhetorically. He meant it. And in ministry, worry can take over everything: Will it rain at the event we’ve been planning for six months? Will students even come?
But friend, worry is almost always rooted in a desire for control. And here’s the freeing truth: We’re not in control. That’s God’s job. When we try to do His job, we carry a weight we were never designed to bear. One of the most freeing things we can do is trust Him. After all, God’s very good at His job.
- You Can Say No and Let People Walk Away
I (Shane) used to say yes to everything—every meeting, every event, every phone call. I thought I was being spiritual. “I just can’t say no,” I’d say. But someone wiser than me said, “You’re good at saying no. You just say no to the wrong things.”
Every time I said yes to a meeting I didn’t need to attend, I said no to time with my family. Every time I dropped everything to chase down a critic, I said no to the leaders and students who were already in. Remember: It’s not just okay to say no—it’s necessary.
Sometimes, we need to let people walk away. That sounds harsh, but not everyone is meant to stay. Some situations can be resolved with a phone call or a cup of coffee. Others are constant cycles of drama and distraction.
When we spend all our time chasing people who want to leave, we neglect those who are already committed. Let the Lord do the pruning He needs to do. Some departures are painful but necessary.
Say no. Know what’s truly urgent. Protect what matters most.
- It’s Not Always the Obvious Kids
In student ministry, it’s easy to gravitate toward the loud, athletic, charismatic kids, but some of your greatest leaders may be the quiet ones in the back row.
Our daughter is like that. She’s creative, thoughtful, and reserved. You’d never catch her on stage. But she started a Fellowship of Christian Athletes group at her middle school, and now, 150 students show up every other Friday morning before school starts.
Some of our most impactful student leaders were the ones causing chaos at youth camp. We’d be out on the golf cart with a spotlight trying to find them after curfew. Now, those same kids are leading worship and pastoring churches.
Don’t write students off based on their volume or behavior. I (Shane) was one of those kids, and I’m so thankful for guys in my life who kept faithfully inviting me, pouring into me, being patient with me, and planting seeds that finally came to fruition when I was 21. Trust the providence of God. Future faithfulness and calling don’t always look the way you’d expect.
See them. Invest in them. Let God surprise you.
- Let the Thorns Lead You to the Throne
Paul begged God to remove the thorn in his flesh. Yet God responded to His servant, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9).
Suffering doesn’t disqualify you from ministry. It equips you for it.
For over 10 years, Kasi and I prayed for our son Titus to be healed. He had 20 major surgeries. We lived in and out of hospitals. And every day, we begged God to do a miracle. And God did, but not here. Titus went to be with Jesus when he was 10 years old. And somehow, through the darkest days, we felt the heavy, healing presence of God more than ever.
Titus taught us more about the gospel than any sermon I’ve ever preached. While we were praying for his healing, God was using him to heal us.
When suffering comes—and it will come—let it draw you nearer to Jesus, not further. Don’t isolate. Don’t pretend you’re too spiritual to grieve. Let your thorn lead you to the throne.
- Jesus Over Everything
Colossians 3:17 says, “Whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus.” That’s the filter. That’s the mission. That’s the goal: Jesus over everything.
Our daughters are teenagers now, and we’ve watched their generation hunger for truth. They don’t care about flashy events or lock-ins. They want the Word. They want real.
At our daughter’s FCA group, we don’t do games or give out prizes. We just teach the Bible, and they keep coming.
Students don’t need another social club. They need the gospel. Teach them the Word, show them who Jesus is, and then trust the Spirit to do the work.
If you’re just getting started in ministry or if you’ve been in it a while and you’re weary, we hope these lessons will help you breathe a little deeper as you lead from a place of peace, purpose, and faith.
Remember:
- Jesus is enough.
- Let your intimacy with Him be your lifeline.
- Say no when you need to.
- Trust Him with what you can’t control.
- See the quiet kids.
- Lean into suffering.
Above all else, make Jesus your highest priority—over numbers, noise, and expectations. Because at the end of the day, the most successful ministry isn’t the biggest or the busiest. It’s the one that points people to Jesus and trusts Him with the results.
Adapted from the Youth Leader Coaching Network. Learn more about our Youth Leader Coaching Network and sign up for the next cohort.
Published June 5, 2025
